I have no idea what Jesus would do
but if it were up to me
I'd beat his little parable spinning ass
and drop him off at the door step
of one of the dozen churches nearby
where he'd lay beaten and penniless
the way most martyrs end up
maybe he'd be drug off by the cops for trespassing
or some shit
hopefully before morning service
because otherwise he'll freak out the flock
and they don't want to be freaked out
they want to come and worship like normal people
unlike me and the rest of the unsavable
who will charge God's throne
and remodel it with a sledgehammer
before you can say amen